PMH Douche of the Week: All ‘parking enforcement officers’ (aka meter maids)

Stepped outside this AM to a set of twins.

Yup, dual parking tickets, one on the Blackhawk and one on the Busket. Mental witch hunt ensued. Conspiracy theory: Neighbors who just put the for sale sign up in their front yard yesterday called ’em in. It’s a very Portland ‘I know what’s good for you and for society but I’m too much of a bitch to ever confront someone’ thing to do. In ten months of having expired tabs on my Sooby I never received a ticket, but a day after the Westy shows up they do their first random ‘check out every fucking plate in the hood’ crackdown? P.E. #1 am I. Guess they don’t realize I live at home and have a two stroke vehicle in the garage. Anybody done any research as to what % of value your house loses if every time you go to show it there’s some asshole drinking Hamm’s revving an engine right outside his garage?

Mental witch hunt thoughts turned to how beautiful the crisp fall morning is turned to boobs (every 10 seconds a guy thinks about sex, right?) turned to the bigger picture: HOW BIG OF A FUCKING LIFE DROPOUT DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO APPLY FOR A JOB AS A FUCKING METER MAID?? Stock boy at Walmart, janitor, ANYTHING else adds more value to society than giving people parking tickets. I mean c’mon, you’ve got to wear a helmet when you drive around. A HELMET. THIS AIN’T RACING, TEX. You call yourself an officer, but you don’t carry a weapon. God/Buddah/Allah/whatever forbid you don’t have children, cuz if so kids like me took their lunch money (note: I was the fat smart kid so that’s saying a lot about what type of offspring your genes shit out in the recess heirarchy of life). Anyways, yeah, I always get pissed off when I see meter maids, but even moreso now that I got stung by their superawesome laydown of the law.

So, I’d like to send a 10 dick salute out to all those ‘parking enforcement officers’ out there fighting the good fight, keeping those axis of evil late-registered* vehicles off the streets with a bowl of dicks. May you choke on one!

Meter maid party favors

*I accept full responsibility for getting the tickets. Trying to get a car registered from CA in OR is a pain in the ass, I started the process earlier this year and said fuck it for now, don’t have the time for this. Everytime I call the CA DMV I sit on hold for an hour, since I don’t speak Spanish or Tagalong they have to find the one English translator that works in the entire CA DMV system.

2 comments to PMH Douche of the Week: All ‘parking enforcement officers’ (aka meter maids)

  • a

    I was told, once, that Bicycles Can Change The World… OPINION HAS CHANGED!!!

    damn, dude! You’re feisty! BattleRapp to Lovely Rita Metermaid!

    I pay for an off-street parking spot. They are very vigilant around here. Apparently, our metermaids are starting to use the “read 50 license plates in 30 seconds” car-mounted-camera teckmology they use to scan for stolen cars: drive down the block, computerbrain remembers. Drive back down the block 2 hours later, and just wait for something to beep. Gnarly.

    The only thing they had going for them were the rad little 3wheel karts with the anti-tip skidplates, and their ability to drive them shits hellafast one-handed whilst chalkin fools…with the chalk disappearing, I’m leaning towards joining your side.

    Although, I love forgetting about my car for weeks, as it sits in its chillspot…away from the law…

  • Justin

    Nah, I still think bikes are good for most fat asses that drive 1/4 mile to buy a Snickers bar and whatnot, I’m just too lazy to blogtificate.

    I owe you a call btw. Was on the other line.

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